HAHAHAH ok one side of me is crazy happy that this happened because we all hate English soccer players. They're so pretentious and snobby and just all around douchebags in general. In fact, they would probably call me an "Caveman Yankee knobhead" or some shit just for saying "soccer" players. I'm not sure if that attitude translates to the womans team, but I'm just going to assume it does.
The other side of me is kind of disappointed, because can you imagine the potential Porgasm (patriotic orgasm) for that weekend? Go from celebrating Americas birthday Saturday, to beating our old oppressor on the biggest stage in their own sport on Sunday? I would probably climb mount Rushmore, change into a hulk hogan outfit, and fuck a cheeseburger while blasting "Born in the USA"
P.S. can you imagine the hell that awaits the own goal girl back in England? Everyone's probably nice to her now, all hopped up on whatever politeness educing drugs the Canadians poison their air with. But i guarantee the queen herself is waiting in heathrow, tar and feathers at the ready.
P.S.S. I realize "Porgasm" sounds like "poor orgasm" but I'm sticking to my guns here.
USA! USA! USA!
ReplyDeleteAs embarrassing as it is for a team to score an own goal, you gotta feel sorry for this poor girl who was just trying to save a possible goal. too bad she scored on her own team. It was hell of a shot though! Did you see the placement?! Bouncing off the crossbar and straight down! That would've been the shot of the century for the Japanese squad. Ain't nobody saving that shot, not Hope Solo. Not Thibaut Courtois. Nobody. Well maybe Messi because there's nothing that man can't do.
But either way, the US was set up for a patriotic final. Whether its beating our past oppressor, and seeking sweet juicy revenge for the last world cup against Japan, The US was favored to win. I personally hope we beat them by 20 goals, and take control of their trade routes after we win. That's how it works right?
Abby Wombat will will her team to victory, through the fresh air that Canada pumps into the stadium much like large Apple Store would. And once the US wins 43-0, she may just explode into a patriotic display of fireworks and will also actually become a gigantic American flag, forever meant to fly high over America and guide our proud nation to victories in the future.
God Bless America